I Lost Her in the Quiet

I had my own choices
once,
in a new and unfamiliar world.

I was allowed to speak —
to name my fears,
to listen to the quiet alarms inside me.

Then something larger moved in.

A force.
A season.
A life stage.
A voice that wasn’t mine.

Maybe a bully.
Maybe time.
Maybe I still don’t know
what the hell happened.

I only know
I lost her.

Buried under expectations,
under survival,
under a pile of things I never chose
but learned to carry.

Is this it?

Fighting every day
to keep the peace
with too many branches pulling at me —

while secretly
wanting to burn the whole damn tree
just to see what’s left standing.

We Glow the Same Color

We glow the same color at the same time.

We sparkle with challenges, easing the strife.

We embrace the impossible to take on the barriers.

We dance around the careless placement of despair.

We take our love with powerful reinforcement.

We salt the path ahead with confidence.

We climb higher than the mountain ahead.

We glow the same color at the same time.

From the Pieces

The pieces lie scattered at my feet.

Please—
do not hand them to me.

Let me reach for them
when I am ready.

Do not give up on me yet.
I am still here.

I will learn the shape of what broke.
I will take my time
sorting what can be kept,
what must be reimagined.

Do not sweep them away.
Do not hide them.
Do not decide their fate for me.

The mess is mine.
I own every fragment before me.

There is strength in these hands—
enough to build
from what remains.

And if time runs thin,
if the clock dares to stop,
I will still do this—

making something truer,
something stronger,
from the pieces
on the ground.

She Catches Butterflies

Her wonder is compared to that of an adventurous child. 

Tiptoes among the young and old.

She sees the vastness of pain and reason. 

Chasing butterflies for answers among the endless winds. 

She stops at the edge, terrified to take the leap. 

Working hard to catch up to her passions. 

In dreams, she catches butterflies until her reality allows her to take flight.

Unspoken Return

The atmosphere vibrated
with silent welcomes—
a knowing without words.

Welcome back.
It has been a while.

Pieces were left here
by an unspoken agreement with the past,
waiting without judgment,
without demand.

There was a pull—
knowing without knowing why.

The present.
The here.
The now.

Colliding gently
with what was once set aside.

The atmosphere became visible,
thick with recognition,
soft with permission.

And the pieces—
no longer scattered—
found their way back together.

The Silence That Knows

I have carried questions for years and chased answers that never sounded like truth.

I heard what I didn’t want to hear, while ignoring what I already knew.

There has always been peace inside me— a pure nothing stronger than something.

Strip it all away. Everything you own. Every thought you cling to.

Stand there— with nothing— and listen.

No voices crowding the mind. No questions stacked on questions. No emotion. No ego.

Just silence.

Sit quietly and wait for the next thought to arrive. Really listen. Do not answer it. Do not push it away.

Anything?

Imagine the moment you simply get it. All of it. Without effort. Without explanation.

Your greatest wow is still waiting.

Beginning or End

On the hill above the town,

where every street still knows her name, she stands with a bottle of water twisting the cap as the past flickers below.

The town that raised her. The streets that shaped her. The life she once fit into.

She stills herself, as if motion alone might decide everything.

The sky deepens. Evening holds its breath.

For a moment, she lets go of every story she’s carried— every expectation, every weight mistaken for destiny.

Darkness comes, not as an ending, but as a pause.

A surrender to not knowing.

Is this the beginning, or the end— or the quiet space
where choosing finally becomes possible?

I AM GOING TO BUT I SHOULDN'T

I am up for it, I really want it, I have prepared for it

Only doing what I need to do

Only wanting to get over this hump

I want to look amazing

I want to cry, fall into a hole

I want to be confident

I want to be healthy and uncontrollable

If good or bad, life spins us around.

There is no winning Just being

RECOLLECTIONS

Recollection of times past. When you find a piece of the puzzle, you must look into the past. I always had a conflict about how people perceived me and what kind of person they thought I was. With the overwhelming intrusion of thoughts, I always worried about what others thought about me. During high school, I was sure that some saw me as stuck up, a bitch, and maybe snobby, while others saw me as plain and didn't notice me. No matter what I thought others were thinking of me, it was rarely, if ever, positive. The more these thoughts intruded on my mind, the more I would try to fade into the background.

Avoidance would be a defense. Sometimes I did speak or act, even enjoy myself and try to be expected; I would be tortured when alone. Examining everything I had said and done in front of people. As simple as just hanging with my friends, I judged, interrogated, and feared every moment I had made within the day,

Consumed with the never-ending trial I had put myself on, I would plan to try to be more invisible the next day. Planning to say even less sounded safer to spare me the beating in my mind.

High school also brought the self-image of being plain and homely. I felt lucky if a boy paid attention to me, but I also didn't handle it well.

My self-image is tainted by always disliking my looks and wanting to be better-looking or turn heads. Don't know exactly why. I have been complimented on how I look and sought compliments before; it all seemed to ensure the thoughts I had already. Ideas that I was a very blah-looking person and could blend into a wall if needed.

I OFFER MYSELF

I offer myself to you, pieces of me that can be shared
Never to be a whole, I cherish the love as if it were.
Take me, love me, and care for me in ways that only we receive
Offer me yourself in pieces that can be shared

I dare to be with you in stolen moments
Never a minute wasted on frivolous feelings.
Take the time to enter my world and enjoy
Dare to love me the only way you are able.

I gather memories of the passion and hold them tight.
Never lay my dreams out for the world to see.
Take the power within me to grow inside the days.
Gather my senses and feel my soul within your body.

I take my chances on the stormy waters of this heaven
Never to lose the unstable foundation we balance on
Take the presence of my heart and hold it dear
Take me when I offer you myself in pieces.