THE ROOM WILL STILL EXIST

Depression is Manageable

I have to unlock this door; the latch is rusty, the hinges are weak, and the door is soaked with tears.

My hand shakes with fear; I tremble at the thought of entering. The small, damp, dark room on the other side frightens me. The small space is soundproof, and I fear the door will close behind me, and I will be locked in.

I know it is soundproof; I was locked behind its door in that room, and no one came when I called for help. A silent scream for help was never heard.

I freeze with terror; I cannot urge my hand to place the key in the lock.

The memory of the darkness that surrounds you completely goes through you in a blanket of hopelessness. The dampness that seeps from the walls, floor, and ceiling pierces your body in waves of pain. Your body aches with every movement, every thought, and every cry.

I know there is a need to open the door and let light in the room. I need to let the room have rays of hope and heat of love. It must be washed of all self-doubt, lies, unjustifiable negative self-image, toxic thoughts, and venom. With light, warmth, and laughter, the room will be livable. It may never disappear, but if talked about, the darkness and loneliness within the will.

I did not escape without help; I had to confess that the room was my prison. I had to make peace with my thoughts and tell someone. I had to give myself a voice. Although I still stand outside this room, it still stands there. It still exists here with all its suffering. I am almost ready to open that door to take the exit.

Maybe the strength of acknowledging it and not letting it exist in darkness but filling it with light and laughter will shine and be a positive force in my life.

*Depression is an illness that stays with you, even when you feel you have dealt with it.

Mental Health Awareness

A Conversation with Depression - on the podcast